Embracing New Colors

At 8 am this morning I hastily removed the heavily cluttered contents of my dresser top. The painters arrived unexpectedly—on time. I hastily swept up gobs of costume jewelry collected over a lifetime: small shiny things, hair accessories, glasses, tiny shells and rocks. I cherish my things. I also hate dust and clutter. I dream of clean open spaces in which to breathe.

My desires are clearly at odds with each other.

I’m finally having my bedroom repainted. 5 years ago when we moved in I declared my hatred for the peachy skin-toned walls of blah. It was to be the first thing I updated in this over 100+ year old house. I was, of course, thwarted by a dozen other immediately more necessary repairs. But today is the day.

Chartreuse and Passionate Purple are my colors. I’m going from beige to bold. I plan to use this as a chance to clear the dust, purge my clutter, and start fresh in this small stifling bedroom! It feels like I’m reorganizing my soul. In a way, I am.

Three months ago, my oldest two children both moved out: one to college, the other to a job outside the city. My youngest, at 15, is still here. But alas, he is a room dweller the way that many teens are. He only comes out to eat or grudgingly respond to my attempts to engage him in conversation. My life has changed, shattered, shifted.

I thought I was prepared. I have even longed for this time in my life when my daily responsibilities as a Mother eased significantly.

As part of my attempts to embrace this new life, I’m making my space more my own. I’ve set up a new office area in the basement and I’m finally able to do the room repairs I’ve long wanted to accomplish. I’ve even begun the final work on that memoir I’ve always wanted to complete.

So why does it all feel so painful? This letting go. This shifting and moving forward.

I hope that the new colors will brighten the way

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